Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
