My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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