Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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