true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
