My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
