I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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