I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
