hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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