there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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