my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
