If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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