the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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