She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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