We're like a lot better than the average bears
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do herpes really smell.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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