You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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