Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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