Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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