My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
