I'm really into asian looking animals
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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