I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
