oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
