You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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