You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
