She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
