So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize