Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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