So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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