i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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