You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
