She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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