How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize