I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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