enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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