...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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