saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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