I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
