So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
