I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
