I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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