Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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