We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
