Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
