I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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