I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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