i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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