i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
