Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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