im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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