I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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