VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
