I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
