yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
