and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
