Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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