I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize