She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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