is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
