Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
