Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
