my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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