please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
